The internet’s hunt for the truth behind the release of a would-be Mon-Hun Generations follow-up has been seemingly poo-pooed by Capcom, as the publisher has dropped a monumentally colossal dung. Specifically, that it has no plans to release the pseudo-sequel in the West – or so it claims.
And while Capcom’s specific wording is ostensibly designed to throw us off the scent, figuring out what in the World is going on isn’t perhaps such a monstrous task.
Because this absolutely reeks of regional exclusivity.
So, it’s time to pick up some yellow latex and drop a little dignity.
Time to go dung diving.
Continue reading “The Monster Hunter double-cross – and why it’s time to grab some latex yellows”
Kill stuff to find stuff to kill bigger stuff to find better stuff to kill even bigger and better stuff – that’s the ever-spinning, multi-coloured hamster wheel of Bungie’s shared-world shooter, Destiny.
And with the announcement that Destiny 2 will be offered through Blizzard’s digital platform comes an interesting message: that this game’s stuff won’t quite be the same as the last game’s stuff.
Because the shared-world through which we’ll collect this set of stuff isn’t quite a game – it’s a service.
And to keep in theme with finding stuff, the ‘Continue reading’ button below actually signals the completion of this excerpt and will reward you with a random exotic item.*
Continue reading “Why Bungie’s shared-world shooter was destined for Blizzard’s platform”
Wolf-man seeks other.
Likes: blood, Gothic architecture, insidious acts of violence, serrated edges and My Little Pony.
Dislikes: Bloodborne players, tiny music boxes, cats, baths, thunderstorms and the postman.
Name: Father Gascoigne.
Temperament: demise incarnate.
Continue reading “Wolf-man seeks other: why a man-sized menace is Bloodborne’s top dog”
You make a brew, it’s there. You take a dump, it’s there. You sit in the corner of a totally-hipster coffee shop with your one-pound bevy hoping everyone notices just how supremely cool you are for playing Switch, it’s there.
You are Ahab – and this ‘it’ is your explosive, gravity-defying whale, the monster that took the leg of your last race.
It’s haunting, it’s horrifying and it’s absolutely infuriating.
But it also represents the best thing about Mario Kart.
Those lovely flashing boxes. Those goddamn blue-shell-carrying beauties.
Continue reading “Ahab and his explosive, gravity-defying whale: the beauty of Mario Kart’s randomnessness”
I’m on that part. You know – that part. The bit with the red-energy thing that happens to the person with the robot body. The bit that, even by the so-solid standards of its husky-voiced, hand-haunting, cigarette-smoking brethren, is a few transistors short of a microchip.
Yeah – that part.
But if we neatly slice away the weird, this particular scene invites one to splurge about the nature of determinism and freewill.
Incomprehensible splurge program initiating.
Namely, whether or not those being killed by the the killer – the seminal ninja-pirate-cyborg hero – have a choice. Or, if any of us really have a choice.
Incomprehensible splurge program activated.
Continue reading “Robot dogs and sombreros: decoding Metal Gear Rising’s stance on determinism”
People call me crazy. Seriously: crazy. “Mad,” they say. “Insane,” they cry. They claim I’m deluded – that I don’t know what I’m talking about. They say that thing I believed totally gone done happened couldn’t have gone done happened at all.
Surprisingly, though, claims of my insanity have no ties to my questionable understanding of syntax.
So, what was the thing? I played a sequel to Eternal Darkness.
It was a thing of beauty, too – a wonderful, awesome thing. Made by a developer that goes by the name of Slightly-Mischievous Puppy, the Eternal Darkness sequel featured a slew of sanity effects imbued with the horror of contemporary industry tropes and a super-shiny co-op mode.
That said, I was naked at the time, having just given a speech to NATO’s crack team of hyper-intelligent mecha-monkeys about the importance of funding direct sequels to really awesome video games – and why overly-long post previews are evidence of one’s slipping grasp on reality.
But don’t let the naked-NATO-mecha-monkey thing fuel your doubts. Read on.
Because that’s what the monkeys want you to do. And what they want is important.
Because one day – one day soon – they will reign supreme.
For they will rule us all.
Continue reading “That time I nakedly played a sequel to Eternal Darkness with a crack team of NATO mecha-monkeys”
Breath of the Wild: the straight-A student, the Link with the think, the blade with the grade – the game with more tens than a Western’s soundtrack.
And like a straight-A student, Nintendo’s latest efforts are so accomplished that otherwise great achievements appear almost mundane against its backdrop of sheer awesomeness. This is a game defined by the story you choose to tell, not by the story you’re told; a game by which I’m inclined to describe its flaws simply by what it does less well – not by what it does badly.
When writing about Breath of the Wild, then, I can’t talk about how it’s picked last in gym or how it doesn’t quite grasp the complexities of those fancy-shmancy quadratic equations. The new Zelda is a bit like Superman – it’s almost impossible to characterise without mention of that one fundamental weakness.
Problem is, I’m not sure it has one.
And that makes Breath of the Wild an absolute pain in the arse to write about. But like a certain pig-faced antagonist, I persist.
So, here’s some words about a game I said I can’t make up some words about.
Continue reading “Skyward scored: why Zelda’s latest legend is almost nearly impossible to talk about”